This is my 830230 attempt at blogging so hopefully it will go better than the other times. I will be posting my thoughts & what I am up to until I go on a mission. Right now I am just sitting on my bed trying to find the right words to describe how I feel. I guess the perfect word is: Numb! There are a lot of things I don't understand. I dont see the point of meeting Luke. I really dont like how things ended up. I hate that there was so much drama and sadness in what we had. I feel like that is all he is going to know/remember about being with me. I honestly tried and in the end it was just too much. I hope one day he can know that I'm really not all that dramatic (in relationships at least ;) I'm usually calm and collected. I guess I fell too fast & with everything that is going on I just lost control. Being friends is really the best thing for the both of us. I just never anticipated that he would want to lose all feeling for me. Knowing that really hurt me because I just felt like there would be no hope for a future. & Also like he really didnt care to try to have a future. When I talk about a future Im just talking about giving me a chance when I get back. I have no expectations in anything else anymore. But I cant make anyone have feelings for me or do anything they dont want to do. So I give up! I love Luke as a person & I appreciate that he is considerate of my well being. ANYWAYS...
I went to the beach today which automatically put a big smile on my face. It helped me remember why I love California so much! I took a long walk on the beach by myself (corny I know). I found some blue crabs which was way cool. I called my mama & she helped me see Lukes point of view & where I went wrong (of course!) I played beach volleyball (= it helped me a whole lot today. I really needed to be with a group of people and just go out. CALIFORNIA IS SO WARM! Then after I went to CPK & ate some Sicilian Pizza which was way bomb. I got asked to be my exbf's girlfriend (IDIOT!) he swears haha im not THAT vunerable. Thennnn I went to dinner with the missionaries & I just talked about my mission blah blah blah. Brother Boswell (THE SWEETEST MAN EVER) is going to pitch in 100 dollars for the mission. Ahhh gotta love Brother Boswell! Well Im really exhausted from all the emotional crap & beach coma. Going to read the BOM YAYYY im finally really getting into it like I should which is totally exciting.
I WANT TO LEAVE ALREADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY! htih3th 2pdh2d well tommorrow is another day hopefully I can be even better tommorrow!
No comments:
Post a Comment