Oh how much I love Sundays!

I am sad that I havent updated my blogs in DAYS but no one reads it so whatever(= Life has been good! I have had a lot more positives than negatives which is always a good thing. Negatives: 1. I hate Frenchie! He's the biggest jerk EVER! I am not going to give all the details but I definetly need to be more aware of whom I am friends with! 2. My heart & feelings-but that's okay because I'm finally getting over it I think. 3. Sister Thurston left and she is now Jaymee Thurston-BUT I'll see her soon we are kindred spirits anyways! POSITIVES: 1. We have a really sweet sister to replace Thurston her name is Sister Olsen. 2. Fred is still going to church!! HALLELUYAH AMEN! hahaahha 3. We survived Erika's babyshower without fighting another HALLELUYAH && it didnt rain like it was supposed to (power of prayer)4. Sofia is in DC & all in love with Erick (which I was jealous at first but I am soooo happy for her) 5. Daddy moved into a house in Sherman Oaks (I get my own room even though Im leaving) 6. I am the MASTER of MINI BUNDT CAKES!!!! 7. I helped Derick stay for our meeting with Carrie & Milan =D & he is doing so well. He is sooo funny!! He made me laugh so hard that I was dying & crying from laughter. The sisters took him out to the VC with Milan & he really liked it. He feels that with the church he can bring his family closer together & really likes us. I think what I really like about Carrie is that I can relate to her. She grew up in the church but didnt fit in/have a strong foundation in the gospel. When we starting our discussion I felt the Spirit tell me to ask her what she was seeking/expecting from meeting with us so we could know how to better help her. The sisters thought it was really bold & were kind of nervous to see her reaction. However that question really brought out her feelings & Derick was interested in hearing his wife's thoughts/concerns (it helped him have a desire to stay). Sister Pinto invited them to pray & I invited them to have family prayer (which was what Sister P was going to do next)I really like that I am on the same level with Sister Pinto(= I feel like she really is my sister & is my family. I hope she doesnt get married before I get back because I am DEFINETLY going to be her roomie in Utah. Anyways life is awesome & tom is SHOPPING with the sisters/email Jared day yay!!!!

Llenaaaaa

Just ate some Kalbi Burger with the Sisters & Hal/Kristy. I am soo llenaaaaaa =( I hate feeling llena. I am just chilling here on my bed listening/singing to Bob Marley with my partner in crime Marleyquin! I had a very lazy day today haha I am on vacation still =D lucky me. I slept in until like 930 and just chilled in bed. I went out with the sisters in the afternoon to go find Fred! We were on our way to his house & we spotted him walking towards Ralphs. We did homegirl investigations (stalking guys to catch them doing bad things) we went in Ralphs to go suprise him BUTTTTTTTT we saw that he was buying BEER! We ran away & went to go hide near the toothpaste aisle. I totally had to lead the escape out of Ralphs because I am the sneaky one ;) I saw Fred hand over the bottle of beer to some hooded figure outside of Ralphs sooo WHEWWWWWWW at least it wasnt for Fred!!! Anyways we left him a note outside of his apt because he went somewhere else. After we went to their correlation meeting which was exciting ha! Brother Larnyoh made me do the spiritual thought which I totally wasnt prepared for blegh I didnt have my scriptures. I talked about obedience & referred to 1 Nephi where the Lord commands them to build a ship & prepares a way! It went well but I am pretty sure I was all red haha (= OH Elder Campbell got honorably released today =( which sucks because he was one of my favorites. He's been sick & needed to go home to get better. AT LEAST he's just in Pomona =) so he will come back to hang out & he's going to the fireside on Sunday! I hope he gets better & is able to accept/learn from this experience. But yeahh I had another good day(= I only got sad once today! YAY!

I forgot to give the update on Fred! Well yesterday Elder Campbell gave him the interview for baptism anyways & I had to witness it!!!!!!!! I was sooo nervous because I already knew what was coming & was so afraid of Fred's reaction. I think EVERYONE was praying we were all nervous. Elder Campbell did such a good job breaking the news to him!! I am sure Fred was sad but he said he would keep going & have faith. AHhhh fred!!!!!! Uhmm then I had to talk about the law of chasity (my favorite subject.....not) blegh but he knows all that! I am just glad he didnt seem angry or annoyed with the missionaries or the church. We just gotta keep being on top of him & bugging him =D he will be great!

I AM LITTLE MERMAID!

Just finished lapswim! Ugh I feel sooooo good I havent been swimming like that in forever. I miss swimming at PCC =( & Coach Stoddard with his comb over. I FINALLY dont have the huge X on my back from my speedo. Today was another good day (= Ahh what a life I have! I think I need another vacation I am too stressed with all the stuff I need to do. Today was especially BUSY! I woke up, cuddled with my Marleybaby, ate some Popcornopolis, watched Pretty Little Liars & HART of Dixie, went to Ralphs to go buy some groceries for Elder Campbell & Scott, ate some Subway, went to my Dad's house & went lap swimming. Ahhh I might die from all the stress of my life (hahaah totally joking). I am enjoying this vacation! I dont have anything to worry about &even though I still miss Luke (who probably doesnt have time or even care to read this) Im doing gooooood. I feel like cuddling right now ugh why am I such a loving person?? I wish I could be cold & heartless when it comes to relationships & wanting to be with someone. I wonder what happend with Fred =( Sis Pinto had food poisoning today so I dont know whats going on. I'm going to try to work at Edible Arrangements for Valentines week. It will help me keep busy ;) & WORK & SLAVE!! Hopefully I will get a few chocolate covered strawberries & pineapples yummmmmmm. Anyways today was chill & I am looking forward to tomorrow. Ciao!

Gettin Happy!

Ah Reggae music always puts me in a good mood! I need to go to the beach & get some surfin done(= my skin needs color & warmth (I still feel like a dead corpse no bueno)California's weather has been in the 70s which isnt good enough for me. I want it to be in the 80s which is weird but I have been so cold lately. IM SICK & DYING ahh. I am so jealous Matt went to Hawaii for a week. I totally need a week on an island & just chill in a hammock with some hot guy ;) haha or just my Book of Mormon! I am so tired of wearing all these clothes because I am so cold. I just want to wear hardly anything and go barefoot everywhere. HIPPIE DIPPIE! Anywaysssss...I went out with the sisters today! We took FRED to the VC which was way cool. The girls set his baptism to this Sunday but they found out he's still on probation & still has a year left WHICH MEANS HE CANT GET BAPTIZED yet. He doesn't know that though & is going to find out tomorrow when Elder Campbell (my other favorite) interviews him which is totally NOT COOL! I feel so bad for Fred because he seems SO READY & he wants it sooo much =( I also feel bad for Sister Thurston because she was hoping he would get baptized before her last day next Wednesday. I really hope he can understand & not get offended with the church. If he DOES understand then he will have a year to investigate & strengthen his testimony. I REALLY HOPE HE WILL UNDERSTAND=( I am going have to pray a whole lot!!! I think I would be pretty annoyed with the church if I were in Fred's position but hopefully he's more understanding. I AM DEFINETLY going to use this experience to help me on my mission! Jared emailed me yesterday & told me how he told our mission president all about me & he's told a bunch of elders that I am coming. AHHH so I am pretty much going to be known & I am not even there yet. At least he's going to make sure that people are nice to me =) he always has my back! I think he's nervous that I am coming & he cant do anything he usually would do around me haha. It's hard enough for him to not be with anyone & now I am coming! I just think it's cool that I will be able to see him as a missionary. I remember how nervous he was about starting the mission process after being denied twice. But I pushed him & I knew it was something he needed to do. I am super excite to see how much he changed!!! It just sucks that we cant write anymore-so I wont hear from my buddy until he goes home unless I see him. Well anywayssss I picked up Sof at the airport today & ahh I am so happy she's home. I really want to go back to Madrid =( I think I am just going to go live there!! My mom thinks I should move to Utah after my mission because the dating scene in LA does not exist (well there's not too many young singles) & I guess it will keep me from going back to my mama's little nest. This birdy has to be freeeee from now on! UGH I am so upset that my Swimp3 is not charging! WHAT THE HECK?!! I am going to go swimming at the gym manana ahhh so excited its been like a year or maybe not THAT long. I think I am going back to polynesian dance & do some tahitian! I am not sure if it's a good idea to get into a dance group if I am leaving so sooon =( but I miss it so much! I feel happy right now I love this music! Good Nighttt

Happy!

Overall, I had a really good day! I woke up early, got dressed and went on splits with Sister Pinto to the USC ward. Sister Pinto is amazing-she is definetly my favorite sister missionary (other than Sister Thurston). She was born in Bolivia & moved to DC when she was younger. I really like her missionary teaching style. It's very direct & she uses experiences & scriptures & the Spirit of course. I can tell she really cares about meeting people and getting to know them. She is very focused on doing the Lord's work but at the same time she is fun & definetly the type of girl I would hang out with. I could see myself being a missionary like her. The USC ward was cool & everyone was super nice. I really felt relaxed & at home in the gospel essentials class. I'm grateful for the gospel knowledge that I have & I feel pretty confident when I am teaching (thanks to going out with the sisters & teaching sunday school for 2 years). I still have a lot to learn & I'm super excited to become the woman that the Lord wants me to be. I went to lunch for my sister's birthday & ate a whole lot! I haven't eaten that goooood in forever haha but I gotta get back to swimming/the gym this week. I have a checklist from the MTC & I am required to watch these training videos on the missionary prep website. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the first video I watched. It was about these missionaries serving in San Diego & the problems/successes they encountered on their missions. Missionary work makes me SO HAPPY & I am not even a fulltime missionary yet! I think I am just addicted to feeling the Spirit. It's the best feeling in the world when you are teaching someone & you are being prompted to say things from the Spirit. You start feeling the Spirit & then all of these things/scriptures/experiences come up to your head & you just want to say it all! I love it(= especially when it is something someone needed to hear. I want to go on the mission with viewing my investigators as my family & not just people I want to baptize. I think it would be easier to care about/want to help these people if you view them as your own family (which they actually are) I want to help my investigators just like I would help my family if they were in need. Actually I want to feel like that with all people! I have been wanting to be the type of person that just forgives & moves on without holding onto hurt/disappointment. I think I am that type of person 97.9 percent of the time but I need to work on it in my present situation. I am very thankful to be able to be called on a mission. It shows how much Heavenly Father trusts me & how much potential he sees in me. I just want to serve & give my all to Him because He has done so much for me. I'm pretty sure I made promises to people up in the premortal existance & I can't let them down! Here's a quote from the video I saw- What makes a good missionary:"Somebody who listens to my feelings and thoughts. Doesn't judge and ask me questions about what I think. That's what makes a good missionary." I really think I will be a good missionary & I am ready for the challenges/to learn as much as I can. AHH So excitedddddddddddddddd. Alright well time to sleeep! Good Night

Blahh

Today was chill just pretty slow! I went with my sister & mama to help Erika register for her baby shower. Ugh unfortunetly I have been nesting since I turned 21 haha which means I am all into things for the house & baby stuff (HORRIBLE). I know all about baby stuff & brands from working at Babies R Us. I love Swaddlers & Koala Baby blankets they're suppppper soft love it! I am happy that my sister & mom were able to get through the day without fighting WHEWWWWWWWWW. I can't wait to see my baby Aiden I love him so much already! I just want to hold him & dance with him in my arms. I'm super itchy right now =( I got bit by something all over my arms, my back & even my boobs ugh!!! IT ITCHES well I didnt really have a spiritual day but I did have dinner with the sisters. I am happy that they are assigned to this area because they're helping me a lot. I think being out & doing work is the only thing that is making me happy right now-other than my mama. Ugh I just want to leave already! I cant wait to see Jared on the mission ahhh. I miss him sooooooo much (all for friendly reasons)!! It's just cool to see how we helped prepare each other for the same mission. We are def going to be lifelong friends. Anyways I have to sleep early & go on splits manana! Auf Weidershen!

Too Late!

It's 3 am & I just came home blegh. Today or shall I say yesterday wasn't as spiritual as the day before but it was peaceful. I think I am beginning to see why I needed to go through all this emotional crap. I am learning how to put all of my faith/trust in the Lord & also I have been seeking guidance from the scriptures (which I have never done successfully before). These last couple of days I have been meeting people that are in need of guidance & strength from our Heavenly Father. I have been able to relate in some way to these people & show them how I have been receiving peace & knowledge from God. Through my experiences I also have shown them how they can receive what I have. SOOO in a way I believe that Im going through these things so I can help others. The sisters & I met with this guy named Fred. He's pretty cool & is being prepared to be baptized sometime at the end of January. He is having trouble believing that he can fully stop certain things like smoking & drinking coffee. I have a feeling that he smokes weed because his eyes are all red & squinty & hazy looking. However I think he really understands what the sisters have been teaching him but I am afraid that he isnt ready to be baptized. Is there a time where it's too early for someone to baptized? I dont like how missionaries baptize people so quick right after a couple of lessons. But maybe there is something I dont know??? I honestly dont care about how many people I help get baptized. I just really want to help prepare people to become SOLID members. I think it is very important that people gain their own testimony because in the end its their responsibility in how they choose to live life. We met with this lady named Gloria-AHHH she's super sweet & funny! She was talking about how she was going to take off her wig because Sister Pinto looked like she was hot & sweaty. I would have loved to see that! I love going out with sisters(= it makes me so calm & happy (even though I'm usually sad right before). I cant wait to do it fulltime.

The rest of my day: I picked oranges from the backyard YAY! Mom & I went to Bernie's house to eat some Roscas (I WOULD find the baby!!!) We watched a Jerry Lewis film & then we saw the Help (MY NEW FAVORITE MOVIE) The Help was amazingggggg. Ever since I was a little girl in elementary school I've always loved movies on civil rights haha. My favorite movie growing up was called My friend Martin & it was an animated film about Martin Luther King. When I make my babies ;) I'm definetly going to show them that movie. I want to teach my children the importance of respecting all people no matter who they are, what they do or where they come from. ALSO THEY NEED TO KNOW THEIR HISTORY! & now Im just sitting in bed listening to some Tchaikovsky *sighhhh* reminds me of my childhood. I love classical music!


ahhh here's my favorite quote from the movie: "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." (= okay time to sleep gotta wake up early to go help Erika shop for her babyshower blegh.

Today was a good day...

THE BAD: This morning was a bit rough. I keep waking up & being reminded of everything that has happend. I'm still in shock a little but its okay I'll get over it! I'm in a weird part in life where I just feel like I dont belong at home. I really miss Spain! I wish I could back and just forget life. I am really happy that I found the song that I fell in love with in Spain & i found it by coincidence. Nah I think I found it to make me happy in the morning & for the rest of the day. But then I got in a little fight with my mom & it just put me back to the emotionally unstable Bianca =( well like always that didnt last long (I hate being upset for long periods of time its unnatural for me).

THE AMAZING: I decided to ditch Milton & Victor for Sister Pinto & Sister Thurston. Best choice ever! We went to Sister Dewar's house & it was funny that she didn't recognize me at first. She thought I was another missionary that she just didnt know. Which is a good thing because I'm supposed to be blending in with the sisters & being a temporary representative. She made Curry Chicken & Coconut Rice (which SOUNDS & looks good). I had trouble eating it because the rice was like almost frozen & the chicken had little bones in it which grosses me out (Im retarded I know). I dont know what the heck Im going to do on a mission when I go eat at a members house. I'm pretty simple but at the same time very picky! I just dont like certain textures in my mouth blegh. Anyways! hahaha she had her neighbor Emma come over & of course she's from VIRGINIA. I have been meeting everyone from Virginia which is super flipping awesome. She is a super sweet lady & really funny. She has a Book of Mormon & is familiar with what we teach. She feeds missionaries & goes to some church functions. She claims to believe in what teach but doesnt want to join. She is a member of some scientific church & is content with what she is doing. She asked the sisters whether they have been members all their lives & they said yes. SO i spoke up & said well I was baptized Catholic & THEN in the Lds church. I told her my real conversion story & she seemed to be very intrigued by my story...so she's having us over for dinner!
We also visited a young family WHO ARE TOTALLY AWESOME! Carrie is a mother in her 30s who is inactive but doesnt really know anything about the church (TOTALLY RELATE). The sisters started talking about the BoM & the purpose of it. I told Carrie how Im going through a rough time & how reading the scriptures has helped me deal with things. I told her how I pray before I read & ask specific questions. Then when I read I feel like those questions are answered or I recieve guidance & comfort. She said she always wanted to read the scriptures & feel the way I do. I told her that if that is what she really wants that if she prays & asks & has faith that it will happen. She started telling me her issue with praying & how she feels like everytime she prays it comes out fake & she starts getting distracted & gives up. I think she feels like Heavenly Father is judging her because she feels fake & all that. I asked her some tough questions like does she feel worthy to have God listen to her prayers & etc. I talked to her about the adversary & how he doesnt want us to have a relationship with the Lord. He wants us to feel embarrassed & fake & all those bad feelings. I told her how when I do something wrong I start to feel ashamed to talk to God. However I know that the adversary is the one who doesnt want me to pray- not God. I told her to just pray to at least have a calm mind to be able to pray. I explained how everyday is a new day & she needs to try everyday even if she fails. I really love this scripture & I shared it with Carrie

2Nephi 32:3 "..Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."

I told her that if she ever felt lost or troubled that she could always rely on prayer & scripture to help her feel comfort & to find guidance. She told me how she is facing some very hard times & what I told her is what she needed to hear.
The sisters were SO happy that I came. They want to take me out everyday & just keep me. They said I did really good & that Im not afraid to talk & be bold. YAY! Ahhh I love the Spirit because with it missionaries can really change lives.

Horrible at Blogging!

This is my 830230 attempt at blogging so hopefully it will go better than the other times. I will be posting my thoughts & what I am up to until I go on a mission. Right now I am just sitting on my bed trying to find the right words to describe how I feel. I guess the perfect word is: Numb! There are a lot of things I don't understand. I dont see the point of meeting Luke. I really dont like how things ended up. I hate that there was so much drama and sadness in what we had. I feel like that is all he is going to know/remember about being with me. I honestly tried and in the end it was just too much. I hope one day he can know that I'm really not all that dramatic (in relationships at least ;) I'm usually calm and collected. I guess I fell too fast & with everything that is going on I just lost control. Being friends is really the best thing for the both of us. I just never anticipated that he would want to lose all feeling for me. Knowing that really hurt me because I just felt like there would be no hope for a future. & Also like he really didnt care to try to have a future. When I talk about a future Im just talking about giving me a chance when I get back. I have no expectations in anything else anymore. But I cant make anyone have feelings for me or do anything they dont want to do. So I give up! I love Luke as a person & I appreciate that he is considerate of my well being. ANYWAYS...

I went to the beach today which automatically put a big smile on my face. It helped me remember why I love California so much! I took a long walk on the beach by myself (corny I know). I found some blue crabs which was way cool. I called my mama & she helped me see Lukes point of view & where I went wrong (of course!) I played beach volleyball (= it helped me a whole lot today. I really needed to be with a group of people and just go out. CALIFORNIA IS SO WARM! Then after I went to CPK & ate some Sicilian Pizza which was way bomb. I got asked to be my exbf's girlfriend (IDIOT!) he swears haha im not THAT vunerable. Thennnn I went to dinner with the missionaries & I just talked about my mission blah blah blah. Brother Boswell (THE SWEETEST MAN EVER) is going to pitch in 100 dollars for the mission. Ahhh gotta love Brother Boswell! Well Im really exhausted from all the emotional crap & beach coma. Going to read the BOM YAYYY im finally really getting into it like I should which is totally exciting.

I WANT TO LEAVE ALREADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY! htih3th 2pdh2d well tommorrow is another day hopefully I can be even better tommorrow!